Its
coming upon the one year anniversary of the start of my Ayurvedic journey and I
look back in reflection at all I have done and changed. On one hand I take
pride in the changes I have embraced and on the other I just feel disgust at my
lack of control and my inability to completely commit. Yet I have to remember
that we all walk different paths at different speeds. I remain thankful that I
could be given a new path to explore and hopefully continue to learn, grow, and
share with those around me.
One
activity that that I have managed to keep with continuing regularity over the
last few years is my morning meditation and breathing exercises. While it had slowed to only 4-5 times a
week when I was working full time, it has become almost daily with my current
flexible schedule. Regardless I have had momentum over some time and I feel
that as a result there has been an altered mental awareness. I do not mean to
imply that I am achieving increased cognitive abilities but merely that certain
things fit together in my mind differently and perhaps more perfectly then they
did before. As example, the way I
look at the world, karma, and our lives as we know it is a different shade then
before. I have come to realize
that the yin and yang that exists within our bodies, is much bigger then each
one of us or all of us. It is
universal and without end like the cosmic ocean.
On the
surface of our existence there is science and logic, it rules the majority of
our everyday lives, a seemingly honest explanation to what we do, how we do it.
However, just behind this curtain there is an infinite supply of irony and
contradiction. Its complexities run so deep that many times one never
understands they are even there. I have realized over the years that finding
these ironies and attempting to digest them, however deep and perplexing,
presents a whole new dimension of thought. They are everywhere, in everything,
floating with us through time. An almost constant reminder that the only thing
more remarkable then our imagination is the reality that bears it. The more time I spend in meditation and
quiet thought, the more I notice them.
Take for instance something as simple and known to us as the act of
breathing. Every breath is precious yet meaningless. Each breath we take is one
breath closer to our inevitable end but most of us will forever ignore this
fact. But that is what it is….fact. Just the mere thought of this makes most of
us uncomfortable….but why? Thinking about it reminds us that we are all vulnerable
whether we choose to accept it or not, and being vulnerable means that we are
not in control. Control…..that is
what we all really want. We want to have authority over our lives, our
relationships, our careers, and our character. Much like water has no control over the bottle we keep it in
or the sun that turns it into air, we are not truly in control of the world
around us, we are only in control of how we adapt….how we find happiness. Yet happiness is never truly realized
only after sorrow, love truly appreciated only after its lost. Such are these ironies, everywhere, in
everything. I could write pages upon pages building on thoughts of this,
realizing everything obvious and achieving nothing. Such is the Buddhist realization, that everything can be
found in the nothingness.
On December 13th I head back to Kerala to continue my Ayurvedic
treatment. Three weeks of herbal remedies and healthy living, three weeks of
separation from the craziness that is life. I look forward to continued healing
and enlightenment, I also look forward to sharing all that I learn with those
around me. Yet most of all, I pray
for those less fortunate then me, who might never have such an opportunity.
Namaste.
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