Namaste!
So after a very long break I have finally decided to get my act together and give an update on my much neglected blog. While a part of me missed writing and communicating my thoughts and reflections through this healing process....another part of me knows I needed some time to commit energy to other things in my life and refocus. The blog was starting to feel like a chore instead of a gift to inspire people and I did not want to start giving off negativity. In fact, I would take that line of thinking one step further and say that for almost anything in life, sometimes it helps to disengage and take a day, or a week, maybe even a few months to find clarity in thought and decide ...What are the real reasons you are doing something?....What goals are you trying to achieve by doing whatever it is you are doing? Sounds so simple and obvious but that is also why its so easy to forget.
Let me start by saying, that while I had stopped writing on the blog, I never stopped capturing my creative thoughts and have spent this time off writing music and reconnecting with an almost unrecognizable part of my musical self. While I have written bits and pieces of music for many years, I was able to (for the first time since university) actually find the patience and structure needed to recommit to learning/practicing, writing complete songs, and more importantly finish what I had started on small projects from years past. As a result I have found myself very contented in this renewed expression of self and it has undoubtedly become a high priority for me. One of my many life goals that I realized when I was laid up in the hospital, was that I wanted write enough songs to professionally record an album so that is what I am striving for. While I do not anticipate making any money off this endeavor and certainly I do not anticipate getting famous, I knew it would be a mentally and emotionally healing activity that I would enjoy doing. So far, it definitely has been......
it has also been much more difficult then I ever expected and I now have an even deeper respect for songwriters/artists.
Regardless, I plan to see this blog through to the end of my recovery as I originally had planned so let us pick up where we left off. The first question is, what exactly has improved/changed since I began this long, arduous journey? Well....LOTS! For starters, I continue to have increased sensation and nerve growth which I can feel happening in various parts of the injured leg. But the biggest change has occurred in one of the major muscle groups that has been paralyzed since the accident, my right calf muscle. It has gone from being completely inactive to partially active.While this does not change my overall leg abilities that much, it is very important on a much bigger scale. The nerve grows through the leg from spinal cord to toe which means that if the leg is healing like I had hoped, then the calf muscle would be the first one to start responding. Also, since this change I have noticed greater strength and control in walking, yoga, even with my weight training. FINALLY some light at the end of the dark tunnel! So now I am working for continued calf muscle development and some activation from the Tibialis muscle. In case you have no idea what and where a Tibialis is...see below. Basically the Tibialis and the Calf are the two major push and pull muscles we use everyday for stepping.....
So after a very long break I have finally decided to get my act together and give an update on my much neglected blog. While a part of me missed writing and communicating my thoughts and reflections through this healing process....another part of me knows I needed some time to commit energy to other things in my life and refocus. The blog was starting to feel like a chore instead of a gift to inspire people and I did not want to start giving off negativity. In fact, I would take that line of thinking one step further and say that for almost anything in life, sometimes it helps to disengage and take a day, or a week, maybe even a few months to find clarity in thought and decide ...What are the real reasons you are doing something?....What goals are you trying to achieve by doing whatever it is you are doing? Sounds so simple and obvious but that is also why its so easy to forget.
Let me start by saying, that while I had stopped writing on the blog, I never stopped capturing my creative thoughts and have spent this time off writing music and reconnecting with an almost unrecognizable part of my musical self. While I have written bits and pieces of music for many years, I was able to (for the first time since university) actually find the patience and structure needed to recommit to learning/practicing, writing complete songs, and more importantly finish what I had started on small projects from years past. As a result I have found myself very contented in this renewed expression of self and it has undoubtedly become a high priority for me. One of my many life goals that I realized when I was laid up in the hospital, was that I wanted write enough songs to professionally record an album so that is what I am striving for. While I do not anticipate making any money off this endeavor and certainly I do not anticipate getting famous, I knew it would be a mentally and emotionally healing activity that I would enjoy doing. So far, it definitely has been......
it has also been much more difficult then I ever expected and I now have an even deeper respect for songwriters/artists.
Regardless, I plan to see this blog through to the end of my recovery as I originally had planned so let us pick up where we left off. The first question is, what exactly has improved/changed since I began this long, arduous journey? Well....LOTS! For starters, I continue to have increased sensation and nerve growth which I can feel happening in various parts of the injured leg. But the biggest change has occurred in one of the major muscle groups that has been paralyzed since the accident, my right calf muscle. It has gone from being completely inactive to partially active.While this does not change my overall leg abilities that much, it is very important on a much bigger scale. The nerve grows through the leg from spinal cord to toe which means that if the leg is healing like I had hoped, then the calf muscle would be the first one to start responding. Also, since this change I have noticed greater strength and control in walking, yoga, even with my weight training. FINALLY some light at the end of the dark tunnel! So now I am working for continued calf muscle development and some activation from the Tibialis muscle. In case you have no idea what and where a Tibialis is...see below. Basically the Tibialis and the Calf are the two major push and pull muscles we use everyday for stepping.....
very very important muscles.....and once I have these two working better then we are getting into some mazing possibilities because then I could actually run! Imagine that....me....running!
I can.
SHUT. THE. FRONT. DOOR. Your calf is starting to reactttt??????? Whaaaaaaaat????? Wooohoooooo!!!!!
ReplyDeleteOK, I shall continue talking like a 14-year-old because that's about the level of excitement I'm feeling right now as I write this. And, as a 14-year-old, I must comment that your line "While this does not change my overall leg abilities that much, it is very important on a much bigger scale" MIGHT just be the understatement of the year! Are you SERIOUS??? It's important on a much HUGER scale. HUGER. Yup, that's what I said. Let's go ahead and hashtag that baby, too. #HUGER.
See, here's what's so magical... you have been doing allll this work allll this time. Since that fateful day, you have put in COUNTLESS hours of pain, sweat and tears into your recovery. And in the process, you've become this even more amazing version of yourself. You've grown spiritually and found time to share your wisdom. You've grown emotionally and found energy to give that back to those who love you...and those you don't even really know. And you've put smile upon smile on faces...when those faces are the ones who should be making you grin.
And, yes, it's taken a long time to get here. And, yes, it will still take a long time to finally get to the end of this monster tunnel. But I'd like to think it's taking just the right amount of time. Because from all the rubble, you've been able to extract this amazing gift...and you will remain in the journey so you can squeeze every last drop of wisdom, knowledge and now music (!) from this experience.
What a GIFT you are, on the eve of the day we stop to give thanks. I seriously f*cking adore you.
XOXO and THANK YOU for being you... yeah. Thank you.